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TiCal's Corner
Occupation: I have a whistle, now i just need to figure out how to use it. I cant find the "on" switch
Hobbies Reminding the Wolverine that I am much much younger than he, belching after I've been felching, one-handed push ups in my Ed Hardy Shirts
Age Yonger than the Wolverine
Marital Status Only if I can somehow baby trap one. Women are not as dumb as I wish they were.

Tical the E True Hollywood Story


Tical the E True Hollywood Story ñ

 

Everyone knows I have been disappearing in the winters the past two seasons so I should clue everyone in on my story and where I go.  With Brittany Spears becoming the punch line to every joke, I would love to make a few comments myself like the rest of you insensitive heartless people, but I can relate to her.  We both have sensational bodies, neither one of us can sing, we both have short hair, and we were both child stars who have tragically crumbled under the pressures of growing up under the publics ever watchful eyeÖWell, one could argue that being a CRFC icon at such a young age is slightly different from growing up as a pop goddess, but me and Brit have both suffered similar fates. 

 

Once the guy who does VH-1ís Behind the Music heard the Tical story from my therapist making fun of me at a happy hour party at Tonic, he decided to do a special guest blog for my first contribution of the 07 year.  My man got the Commish, the Wolverine, D-Mac, and some other CRFC big-wigs to sit down and trace the journey to manhood, which is still years away, of the self proclaimed ìBastard Son of the A1î, Ticallion Stallion, Sean ìTicalî OíCal.

 

Cue the music from one of those Jeremy Schaap interviews on ESPN with a melancholy beat from a grand piano 

 

CRFC takes a  hiring chance

 

Narrator Derek Lanier (the guy who does the voice for VH1) ñ Growing up on the sleepy mean streets of Medfid, Tical appeared destined to die in one of the lockers he was stuffed into routinely in his high school days, but fate had another plan for the baby-faced half-wit. 

 

On February 29th, 2000 of all days, Seanís High school basketball coach had pull at a certain local Cambridge gym located on Linsky Way.  Thinking a little weigh training would do wonders for a boy with the body of a 13 yr old pre-pubesant girl, Seanís coach got him an interview.

 

The Commish - Yeah, with the recession in Cambridge in 2000, the Police were rounding up all the illegals.  Since I couldnít find another Jose, I told Ed [Soul ñ owner of CRFC] we could use the kid.  Especially a kid that didnít know MA had child labor or minimum wage laws.  I could definitely tell there was something special about Tical just by reading his resume.  It was a leap year, but he put Feb 30th on the place where it said todayís date.  Only someone borderline retarded or borderline entertaining could pull something like that off.

 

Derek Lanier ñ With a part time job had, the shy youngster passed his hours by picking up towel after towel, washing towel after towel, stealing towel after towel until one lethargic Sunday in August when the Commish dropped a bomb on the youngster.  In between the 3 oíclock HORSE game, which concluded with a reverse wall dunk, and the 4 pm ciesta, the Commish approached him about an upcoming basketball league.

 

The Commish - I had an idea for a basketball league that would keep stats and I needed someone to someone do just that.     

 

Bricks galore!!!

 

Derek Lanier ñ Becoming CRFCís first official stat keeper, Tical, was ready to become the focal point of what would become a constant barrage of criticism that bestows every stat keeper.  Despite the constant public heckling, the fall league of 2000 was a smash hit and although Tical was not a captain, he got his first taste of success capturing the brick with the Knicks.  After taking the winter season off at CRFC to compete in a dismal 6-14 senior season at Matignon High School for the Overly-Intelligent in Cambridge, Tical took over as a captain in the Summer of 01. He vowed never again to have that stink of losery he thrusted upon himself during his senior year in high school and came into the Summer season with a chip on his narrow shoulders.

 

The Commish ñ We were worried having a 17 yr old as a captain would be too much responsibility for him, especially with his mother constantly calling the gym to have him home by the time the street lights came on, but all our fears came to rest when he won the summer league title of 01. 

 

Derek Lanier ñ 2 for 2 in the CRFC cage.  It appeared Tical was a born winner.  Success was becoming a constant feeling for the stat keeper/towel boy, but at what cost?  Long time hero and A1 great, Matt Filosa, the Wolverine, discussed Ticalís meteoric rise to CRFC lore.

 

The Wolverine -  Everyone couldnít believe this young kid was winning all these bricks, especially before I even had a wiff of one.  As soon as we found out he doubled as the towel boy, a bunch of us would go out of our way to repeatedly make mess after mess in steam room.  You know, knock him down a peg.  But it never seemed to faze him. 

 

Derek Lainer ñ Were you worried that Tical was coming out the gates too quickly?

 

The Wolverine ñ No, not at all.  In fact, after my back to back championships, Tical regained the brick in the Summer.  With 3 bricks at 19, we thought he would have at least a dozen by the time he got a hair on his chest or before he lost his V card.

 

The Peak 

 

Derek Lainer ñ With a 3rd brick won in the Summer of 02, Tical was not only the youngest player to win a brick, but at the time, he was the all time winingest player at CRFC.  Along with the bricks, Tical began his climb to CRFC immortality as he got promoted from Towel Boy to Front Desk Bitch.  As if becoming the face for the gym wasnít enough pressure for the young man, Tical began write up responsibilities.  The write ups were an instant smash hit among the CRFC addicts and Tical seemed to be everything CRFC. 

 

Brian Ripley ñ The kid did a great job filling Dieselís shoes for the writeups.  I remember in one write up he wrote, ìThe Commish started distributing like he was on a corner in Harlemî after a double digit assist game.  Thatís goldÖYeah, people really hated him a lot less once he started writing about how good other people were.

 

Derek Lainer - This literary popularity only added to his already high status among CRFCís elite, but Ticalís desire to win began to take a toll on him, physically and mentally.  After receiving the movie, Patton, starring George C. Scott, at his 20th birthday party, of course held at Chucky Cheese, because Bonkers was already booked, fellow players started noticing Tical go through a disturbing routine before every game.

 

The MixTape ñ Before every game I would see him staring into one of the locker room mirrors and recite the opening of the Patton movie, you know when George C. Scott is standing in front of the US flag and announces, ìAmerica loves a winner and wonít tolerate a loser.î  He would repeat that 3 times, pop a pill, and bang his head of the glassÖ.Why didnít I say anything?  Because that opens me up for people calling me gay for staring at him in the locker roomÖ.Yeah, heíd be nude and (Mike leans closer to Derek) off the record he looked a tad cold, if you catch my drift (winking)ÖYouíre not going to use that right?

 

Tical ­ñ There was a ton of pressure on me after my 3 brick performance.  People just expected me to win and I felt like I needed an edgeÖThe MixTape said what about me?  Derek reads from his notes as Tical echoes, I was hung like a Pigeon?!?  What a prick.  If the Commish would just heat the locker rooms up we wouldnít be having this conversation.

 

Derek Lainer ­ñ That edge turned into a habit that Tical would find harder to quit than winning a brick:  His battle with addiction to Flintstone Chewable Vitamins.

 

The Fall from Grace

 

Tical ñ At first, I would just take a Dino before the game just to give me a little extra.  My mom wouldnít let me get a Red Bull or anything with caffeine because I would get a stomach ache after and she didnít want to take care of me. 

 

Derek Lainer ñ But soon, a Dino turned into a Dino and Fred, and then into a Dino, Fred, and Wilma.  Making matters worse, Tical found himself in a 5 season brick drought.  As the pressure began to mount, people started noticing a change in the once happy go lucky goofball.

 

D-Mac ñ One time during pick up, Tical took off from the 3 point line for a lay up and didnít put the ball to the floor once.  I taxed him for a travel and he went off.  He and Jerry just started flipping out.  This was back when we had the aerobic stuff in the court so Tical just started humming equipment everywhere as Jerry egged him on.  As soon as we saw that Jerry had a bug in Ticalís ear, we knew something was up.

 

Derek Lainer ñ After yet another disappointing loss in the playoffs, totaling 7 in a row, Tical would finally hit rock bottom during the first week in the next A1 winter season.  After a game, Kevin Scott approached him about his stat line.

 

Black Ice ñ I went upstairs to talk to Tical and I picked up the stat sheet.  All I asked him was if that was my stat line under the heading KS and homeboy just lost it.

 

Derek Lainer ñ What would be later known as the CRFC ìLog Incident,î Tical finally cracked and hit rock bottom. 

 

The Commish ñ People came running into my office screaming about Tical going bonkers up on the balcony.  I booted up there and I saw him screaming at Kevin Scott.  Tical looked all strung out, veins popping out everywhere, his hair a mess with these bloodshot eyes.

 

Tical ñ Lightly giggling Yeah, I lost it that night.  I forgot what Kev asked me but I had been so tired of people bitching at me for stats and losing in the playoffs I just went off.  Plus, I hadnít had my fix in an hour so it was just bad timing.

 

Black Ice ñ After screaming at me for 5 minutes he ripped the stat sheet out of my hands and took a dump right on the sheet in front of everyone.  Not a great sight to see, Tical hollering obscenities while dropping anchor. 

 

The Commish ñ I grabbed Tical by the back of the neck and dragged him downstairs.  He dove right into his gym bag and, while violently shaking, yanked out a bottle with Wilma and Betty on the cover.  I snagged the bottle out of his hands and he tried to get it back.  We wrestled on the floor for about a minute until I pinned him down and he just started crying on the floor. 

 

Tical ñ Yeah, the Commish saved my life that day.  Showed me a lot about the guy.  At that time, I was going through a bottle a dayÖ.A bottle a day (Tical wipes a solitary tear from his eye). 

 

Wolverine ñ Weíve all seen what happens to the best child stars.  Bonoduci, the Coreyís, Cousin Oliver, and now Brittany.  All of the brightest child stars eventually burn out.  It was just too much for someone so young to handle.

 

Rehabs not so bad

 

Derek Lainer ñ After the ìlog incidentî, the Commish made some phone calls and got Tical into the finest Flintstone detox center in Eastern Mass. 

 

Tical ñ I thought I was alone, but it turns out a lot of people were in the same boat as me.  During group therapy, this one kid we called ìthe Clawî told everyone how he would give handjobs for just half a bottle.  I guess I was lucky to be making so much money here at CRFC or that could have been me crippling my shooting hand.

 

The Wolverine ñ Iím never shaking his hand ever againÖNo, I donít care thatís creepy.

 

Derek Lainer ñ Fresh out of rehab, the Commish wanted to make sure Tical would start fresh and took him out of the panicky world of stat keeping and placed him back in the leagues, but this time, behind the whistle.

 

The Commish ñ I wanted to make sure the kid had something to fall back on and I thought a change would be good for him.  Little did I know Iíd be throwing him back into the lionís den.

 

Tical ñ After about two seasons, I fell back into old habits, started hanging out with my boy ìthe Clawî I met in rehab and crumbled under the constant scrutiny facing all of the CRFC refs.

 

Trevor McAndrew  - Yeah, everyone could tell by the way he was reffing, he had to be on something when he was behind that whistle, but no one knew how to approach him about itÖMe?  I just started yelling at him constantly on the court, you know, it was just the first thing that came to my mind.  It helped me feel a lot better, but I donít think it had the positive effect in which I intended for him. 

 

Re-Rehabs not so bad    

 

Derek Lainer ­ñ For the second time in his short life, Tical found himself back in rehab for yet another winter league this past season.

 

Tical ñ This one was tough for me.  I thought I had hit rock bottom after the log incident, but when the Commish caught me reffing all hopped up on the Stones again, I could barely look him in the eye.  Plus, I wasnít setting a good example for the younger guys like Tibbs, you know, cause Im his hero.  Nothing worse when he showed up at my door slurring ìSay it isnít so.î  Unfortunately, Tibbs was drunk off his ass and thought I was at his house with Erica but I knew Tibbsí obscene drinking must have had to do with trouble handling his heroís problem.

 

Derek Lainer ñ  After Ticalís second Winter season in Rehab, fate would intervene yet again, and change the young manís life forever.

 

Tical ñ A.C. Earl came to visit me in detox.

 

Derek Lainer ñ The Commish, who regularly gets his Bentley washed at the Lechmere Car Wash at Twin City, noticed a familiar face drying his hood with a rag.

 

The Commish -  I saw this 7 footer drying the hood to my car and when I rolled down the window to scream at him for wiping counter clockwise, I recognized him as AC Earl.  I knew that he was Ticalís hero and explained the situation to him.

Derek Lainer ñ That same day, on his lunch break, AC Earl took the trek with the Commish and visited Tical in rehab.  The impact:  Priceless.

 

Tical ñ AC Earl told me that if I wanted to be a success like him, I needed to kick the habit for good.  That really didnít make much sense because I didnít want to end up being a car washer when I could have been a successful NBA star.  Actually, I think I was even more confused because AC told me he never used drugs his entire life and he still ended up the way he did. 

 

Derek Lainer ñ But just as AC Earl was about to leave, AC did something to make an ultimate impact, forever changing Ticalís life. 

 

The Commish ñ He stole Ticalís lunch.

 

Tical ñ That bastard beat me for my lunch and booked it down the hallway.  Security didnít arrive for a half hour and I was so heated.  But it was my fault.  If I had never had a drug problem, I would never had been in the position to get my lunch stolen by AC Earl and when I thought about it, he probably needed it more than me now that heís broke.  So actually, he did me a favor.

 

The Rise Back to the Top ?

 

Derek Lainer ñ After leaving Rehab for the second time, Tical had a newfound respect for life, and a newfound loathing for AC Earl.  Ticalís 7 AM in P-Town crew look solid and could quite possibly knock the dust off Ticalís brick mantle.

 

Tical ñ America loves our athletic comeback heroes: Daryl Strawberry, Steve Howe, The Philly Phanatic, but I have a feeling my story will trump them all when I win back the brick this season and do it without any performance enhancing materials.  Iíd just like to take this time and thank all my CRFC family that stood by me during my dark years.  Already, Iím off to greener pastures.

Entries

Guess Whose Back With A Brand New Track (2012-04-01)
The Best of Both Worlds (2011-12-08)
Tainted Love? The Zyme Era (2011-06-07)
Ticals Corner - Bob the Ref (2011-06-03)
Breaking News – Tical Fined and Suspended for Homophobic Slur, Loses Baby-Gap Sponsorship (2011-05-25)
Tical's Corner / Wolverine Trap Part Trey - The Return of Delilah (2011-05-25)
B2 South Regular Season Awards (2011-04-13)
Tical’s Corner – New CAC Staffer extraordinaire Jesse the Body Corwin (2011-02-10)
Welcome Back to the CAC (2011-02-01)
Thanks to the CAC (2010-11-22)
B2 South Regular Season Awards and Playoff Lines (2010-11-22)
Am I Anonymous and B2 South Weekly Lines (2010-11-8)
Calling all CACers (2010-10-24)
This Week In the Corner - STOP DICK TEXTING (2010-10-10)
B2 South Week 2 Preview (2010-09-27)
Random Thoughts From CAC Headliners (2010-09-20)
B2 South Preview and Week 1 Lines (2010-09-20)
Tical's Corner - CAC Staffer Laura aka L Weezey (2010-09-13)
Anyone Else Tired of Chris Broussard's Sources??? (2010-07-08)
Dear Celtics/Magic Players...and Lebron...and Others (2010-05-27)
Ticals Corner - Harold...but no Kumar (2010-04-15)
Tical's Corner - Cold Blooded (2010-04-02)
Guess Whose Back with a Brand New Track - RoY (2010-03-20)
Master Debators (2010-02-22)
Tical's Corner - Damian Ruff Ryder...Ride or Die ()
Tical's Corner - Matty Bells ()
Now Introducing...Mr. & Mrs. PackaVestal!!! ()
A Whole New World... ()
Tical's Corner -Docspaulding ()
Tical's Corner - TLayman ()
Making New Memories on Memory Lane ()
Tical's Corner with Dan O ()
The Summer of 2009 ()
Tical's Corner - Matt Kaplan, Tom Heffernan (Hizzle) and Dan Lil Tical Linehan ()
Coming to a blog near You ()
Tical's Corner - Hallsy ()
Tical's Corner - Tibbs Lite ()
The Summer A1 Jort Report ()
Getting Off In Your Face ()
How Did I Miss this Little Web Gem ()
Tical's Corner - K-Lid ()
*Amended* The BS Report ()
Its 5am, Do You Know Where Your Tical Is? ()
Tical's Corner - Kip West ()
A Big East Re-Cap ()
Tical's Corner with Five Hard Fouls ()
In the Mix Vol III -OD ()
Free Interview Opportunity ()
Tical's Corner - PStone ()
Happy Prostitution Day ()
Tical's Corner - Kenny Cleary ()
In the Mix Vol. 2 ()
In the Mix ()
There is One Less Perfect Man on the Market ()
All I Get for Winning a CAC Championship is a T-Shirt?!? ()
The Trap/Corner 2.0 ()
Why Would Anyone Want to be CAC staff? (2008-11-24)
Tical's Corner....WITH A FEMALE ()
Tical's Corner - Tom Duncan ()
Poor Rich Athletes ()
Electionmania - Tical Hits the Streets ()
Tical's Corner - Billy Durbrow ()
10 Reasons Why you NEED to go to Jillians this Saturday for JBerrís BDay ()
Overcoming Adversity ()
A SLAP IN THE FACE ()
The Root of All Evil ()
Tical's Corner - Sam Quinn ()
Viggity Viggity Vegas Baby, the One that Got Away ()
Facing My Own Mortality ()
Tical's Corner - Chris Harvey ()
R I P Summer ()
Tical's Corner - Mike MJ Dinh ()
New York S#itty ()
Tical's Corner - The Ragin' Bull ()
A Trip Down Memory Lane ()
5 on 5 A Charlestown Awards ()
Where Do I Sign Up? ()
What's Wrong With You People? ()
Believe It or Not, It's the Rip Spot ()
The Greatest Game Ever Played ()
Tical's Corner - The Rainmaker ()
YOU GOT RONDO'd ()
Tical's Corner - Mike Sweeney ()
Move Over John Stockton ()
The Underground MixTape ()
LET'S GO C'S!!! ()
Tical's Corner - Erin Magic Johnson ()
This is the Singles Life (2008-03-25)
An Ode to the MixTape ()
Tical's Corner - Billy Fratelli ()
Tical's Corner - The Majic Man ()
February 29, 2000 ()
Tical's Corner - The Dolla Dolla Billet ()
Tical's Corner - Caitlin Pack A Vestal ()
Women's Playoff Preview and Regular Season Awards ()
5 on 5 East Playoff Preview and Regular Season awards ()
Tical's Corner - The MAcho MAn ()
NEWSFLASH!!! - CAC APPOINTS A PLAYER PRESIDENT ()
Tical's Corner - Jillian Berry ()
This First Week in Adulthood ()
Women's League Preview ()
C-Town 5 on 5 East Preview ()
It's A Celebration Bitches... ()
2007 Women's Summer League Regular Season Awards ()
Tical's Corner - Jon Mazzone ()
What Would Joey Diesel Do? ()
C-Town Review and Reg Season Awards ()
Tical's Corner - Steve Martin ()
Tical's Corner - Rhiannon Lee ()
Tical's Corner - Trevor McAndrew ()
Women's Summer League Preview ()
CRFC to CACÖA Rose by Any Other NameÖ ()
Women's Winter Regular Season Awards ()
Tical's Corner - Ed Fizzle ()
Tical's Corner - The Reihl Tim Deeeeeeeeel (2007-04-02)
Tical's Corner - Dart Dainer ()
Women's Regular Season Fall Awards ()
A1 Regular Season Awards ()
Training Day - Camp Edwards ()
Training Day at Camp Turin ()
Tical's Corner - John Edwards ()
Why Texas Should be its Own Country (10/18/06)
Past League Stories and Predictions for Tonight! (Friday, October 13th 2006)
Keith ìThe Preacherî Thompson (October 3, 2006)
Ticalís Corner: Tom Kahana (September 21, 2006)
A1 Preview Fall 2006 (9/16/2006 8:44 AM)
CRFC BBall ñ The Continuing Legacy (Friday, July 28, 2006 2:56 PM)
Mailbag: From the Women's League (Thursday, July 13, 2006 4:16 PM)
Phil Davis (Friday, July 14, 2006 2:21 AM)
Tyson Nargassans (Monday, June 19, 2006 11:25 PM)
Ticalís Corner ñ Tara Kelly (Tuesday, June 13, 2006 1:09 AM)
Ticalís Corner ñ Dave Kichen (Monday, May 29, 2006 11:52 PM)
Ticalís Corner - Dave Clinton (Tuesday, May 23, 2006 1:30 PM)
Abby Greshik, Team Captain of the Hoosiers (Sunday, May 14, 2006 10:33 PM)
Ticalís Corner ñ Mike Turin (Sunday, May 07, 2006 12:53 PM)
Ticalís Corner with Al Smooth, Alex Delpleche (Wednesday, May 03, 2006 8:24 PM)
A1 Preseason Rankings (Wednesday Apr 19, 2006 11:20 am)
Ticalís Corner ñ Interview Tim Brady (Wednesday, April 26, 2006 2:05 PM)
Ticalís Corner ñ Callie (Friday, April 21, 2006 12:40 AM)
A1 Preseason Rankings (Tuesday, April 18, 2006 2:39 PM)

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